Frozen Toothpaste

Holidays should never be recognized by anything but the day of the week on which they fall. This way, we give the day no credence beyond it’s own merit as a day of the week.
We can know that today is supposed to be Independence Day, which of late has come to mean little more than […]

“Hello,” I say to the 21 year old stranger waiting in line.
“Hello,” says the stranger.
“What’s the game?” I ask.
“To make manifest the insane desires of materialism run amuck,” he says.
“You don’t want the phone?” I ask.
“No,” he says, “this is a protest.”
“Oh really?” I ask.
“Indeed,” he says.
“Can I have the phone?” I ask.
“Yes, he says, […]

Everyday, pirates seem to be getting more and more popular. I think this is absurd. Here are the five most important things we should not forget about pirates.

Johnny Depp is not a pirate, pirates are not Johnny Depp. All this nonsense about good looking pirates has to stop. Pirates were probably some of the ugliest […]

About a week ago, I moved some furniture around the house. And it left those impressions in the carpet. Some of them are still there as I write this today. And it makes me wonder what those impressions mean to the carpet.
Are they a way for it to remember its past? But they last only […]

Penguins have been getting a lot of press lately. At least 300 movies about penguins to have come out in the last year, of which Surf’s Up is only the most recent. But do you know how many movies unicorns got? That’s right. Not a single movie about unicorns has been released recently, and this […]