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Five Reasons that Unicorns are Better than Penguins

UvPPenguins have been getting a lot of press lately. At least 300 movies about penguins to have come out in the last year, of which Surf’s Up is only the most recent. But do you know how many movies unicorns got? That’s right. Not a single movie about unicorns has been released recently, and this is simply not right. So here they are, the five best reasons reasons to protest this injustice. Five reasons that unicorns are better than penguins.

  1. Penguins cannot fly, unicorns can. This is especially important because, as you may be aware, penguins are birds. This makes the point all too clear, while penguins are busy being deficient birds, unicorns are busy being awesome.
  2. Penguins waddle, unicorns run faster than anything else on the planet. Not only can unicorns totally fly way better than penguin, they also run way way faster. Like, incredibly. Unicorns are so fast that they make penguins look like rocks, stupid slow ugly rocks.
  3. Unicorns have a horn, penguins have flippers. Let’s say that a bar fight broke out, who would you rather have on your side, a unicorn or a penguin? That’s what I though. Not only can a unicorn poke the other guy in the eye, but then you can get a ride from him which would definitely be really cool and awesome and fast.
  4. Penguins lay eggs, unicorns just are. Penguin babies are little wimps. They come in eggs that their parents have to take care of and stuff. Even the daddy penguins. Lame. Unicorns just happen, wherever and whenever they want. If a unicorn wanted to, he could make a clone of himself and suddenly appear behind you. Pretty cool, huh?
  5. Unicorns have magic powers, penguins do not. Does anything more really need to be said?

david (b) hayes

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11 responses to “Five Reasons that Unicorns are Better than Penguins”

  1. Unicorns are not Magical!!!!!!!! They are just horses with horns on their head! Just like the white buffalo. Just cause they are different does not mean they are magical.

  2. Most of those details are wrong btw… but there are plenty of unicorn movies. Like one of my favorits “The Last Unicorn” by peter S. Beagle. Also, the book written by Peter S. Beagle. Totally awesome, i recomend it to anybody. “Legend” is an okay movie, but that is also about unicorns too. But hey, I agree. Nothing recent. But i would check some of those facts out… i’m a little curious where you got the flying one at. You might be confused with a peaguses… they can also sometimes have horns. But yeah. Last unicorn, if your a big unicorn fan check the book and movie out.

  3. Thanks for the recommendations Rinjii.

    I recognized soon after I wrote this (as something of a playful joke) that unicorns probably don’t fly. I didn’t get around to fixing this error though, maybe I’ll finally do that no that you’ve called me out on it.

    And Heidi, if I’m sure of nothing else, it’s that unicorns are indeed magical.

  5. THIS IS TOTALLY TRUE! UNICORNS ARE THE BEST ANIMLAS ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!!

  6. Let’s talk facts here. Fact: I am a Sasquatch, or Bigfoot if you prefer. Fact: I can confirm that unicorns do fly. I’ve wrestled them before. Every time, I dominate them, and every time, they fly away all hurt and whimpery.

  7. hahahaha this is too funny! and seroiusly rinjii & heidi… daves just messin around… of coarse they can’t fly, and not magical… thier not real!! (well thats what you non-believers think) lol, but I laughed my ass off reading this!!!

  8. There is one simple reason why penguins are better than unicorns, Penguins are REAL!!!!!
    Unicorns cannot fly (Pegasi can fly), as unicorns are mammals, they give birth to live young, with a really under developed horn so as not to cause too much pain, a unicorns horn is not actually used for fighting directly, the horn is a symbol of their magical power and how they can gather the energy to perform their magical feats, unicorns can indeed run faster than anything on earth, and unicorns are indeed magical.

    Penguins on the upper hand will always have that one extra thing going for them, REALITY!!!

  9. peguins are FAKE. they are not REAL. i have never seen a real penguin in my LIFE. who spends their time making up movies about fictional birds. they are not real. thank you. bye.

  10. We can FLY, we are MAGICAL, and we do EXIST among mankind but only REAL unicorn believers can see the unicorns.